I’m working on a song and thinking about Sh. I haven’t thought about her in months. Her death was one of the reasons I stopped writing here. Everything felt so horrible and I had nothing to say. I don’t know what brought her into my mind this morning but now she’s everywhere. She’s inside the lyrics I’m writing. She’s shading the song and reminding me of the limited time I have to get it (and anything) done. She’s telling me which of the details matter, and which to let go. Her perfectly beautiful smile and impish humor are teasing me – daring me to write instead of tear up.
Did I have a dream about her last night that I can’t remember? Could it really be that I only tried to look up the bar where she had her birthday because it was in a central location? Did it have nothing to do with her the several times I walked by and thought about going in? Can it be that I can’t find that bar now despite knowing where it is on foot?
I made coffee to focus my brain and dry myself out.
